1. |
jan 1
01:17
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a future held up with imaginary strings
a frigid final phone call to mark the end of things
saw you at the show when i was with her
for what it's worth
i wish i met you first
about this time last year i was in in distress
over someone who felt something but couldn't show it less
you picked me up during the second verse
for what it's worth
i wish i met you first
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2. |
jan 2
02:25
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bite my lips till i can't speak
feels like bad news follows me
calm me till I’m comatose
kick myself cuz i didn’t know
i don't want to cry about it
I’m staring at the lie about it
i'm staring at the phone surrounded now
take the hurt out of my chest
it's days like these i wish we never met
calm me till I’m comatose
i lose my grip when I’m home alone
i don't want to sing about it
avoiding all the things about it
i'm losing all my wits about it now
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3. |
jan 3
02:16
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restless in my body
restless in my dreams
long for absolution in the sheets
therqpy in parked cars
we lie through a screen
i know today is just a scraped knee
i don't wanna talk right now about instinct
bc i've been wrong
i don't wanna stay right here with the mourning
just want time to make things feel small
my home feels like a stranger
this chapter feels bleak
another resolution goes unseen
i don't wanna talk right now about healing
bc I’m involved
i don't wanna right my wrongs in the morning just want to think till i am absolved
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4. |
jan 4
01:39
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i'm afraid that i'm just like you
selfish ghost inside the rearview
doormat living on the fence
people pleasing avoidant
i don't wanna run
wander like a stray
i will find a reason
to decay
i don't wanna know
how to feel whole
every time i look i lose control
i'm afraid you're nothing like me
growing pains get really ugly
dopamine and bitter ends
searching for the decadence
i don't wanna run
wander like a stray
i will find a reason
todecay
i don't wanna know
how to feel whole
every time i look i lose control
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5. |
jan 5
01:02
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building tiny plants
out of tiny things
lego rose, succulents
blooming before spring
i know everything you do is true
pretty like the song you wrote, its you oh you
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6. |
jan 6
02:25
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i will fold into my shaky hands
quit my job with no plan
fortune teller read my fateful end
i die alone it's so grand
i don't wanna stay where you left me
burning through the back of my mind
is all i've tried
i don't wanna carry your burden
holding on to love it ain't worth it
oh all my life
i get bored before i go to sleep
i let little pills carry me
guilty conscious breaks a fragile mind
i get lost every time
i don't wanna stay where you left me
burning through the back of my mind
is all i've tried
i don't wanna carry your burden
holding on to love it ain't worth it
oh all my life
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7. |
jan 7
00:42
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i don't know
how it's gonna go
when i tell you when i tell you will you say that it's too soon
there are worse things than opening my heart
want you here for the good parts
not just when it falls apart
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8. |
jan 8
02:47
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cut like a knife
cut from the same cloth
can't manage my time
can't make it all mine
all mine
all mine
built like a cross
tie me to the bed
ask where i get off
can't manage my life
can't make it all mine
all mine
all mine
i won't stay awake for longer than i need to
i won't misbehave until i feel like i deserve to
i am so afraid cuz this is all so brand new
i can't stand
shaky hands
feeling grand
all mine
all mine
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9. |
jan 9
01:55
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i need a complex thing to feel ok
follow the rush it's my body and brain
why do i put things off until
im so stressed out can't catch my chill
i don't even know you like that
i'm too tired to react
i do well under pressure not most other times
im just a baby until i accidentally get it right
why do i put things off until
im so stressed out can't catch my chill
i don't even know you like that
i'm too tired to react
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10. |
jan 10
01:04
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walk into the party
and i don't like you
no concept of boundaries
or what you shouldn't say or do
i'm wracking my brain
im socially drained
my back is getting taut
i’m tied up in knots
i guess its time to leave
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11. |
jan 11
01:06
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driving past your street
the muscle memory
the comfort i must interrupt
affliction turns to subtle puncture wounds
doubtful turns to dust
i see stars i combust
the cloudiness it humbles me
im burdened by the subtlety
again
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12. |
jan 12
02:03
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i've got a new plan
it feels right
wish that my tantrums didn't keep me up at night
but i know oh i know
it's just the way it goes
i've got a new life
i've got growing pains again
wish that the jaded teen that lives inside of me
would let go
but i know it's just the way it goes
i don't really see it through cuz my eyes closed
stomach acid burns right through my skin and my clothes
but i know oh i know
it's just the way it goes
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13. |
jan 13
03:12
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time doesn't treat me too kindly
i am always fighting with her
shes like a new sworn enemy
a dead end street
a dead end blur
if you wanna be a complex character
you can float inside a window pane
i don't like kisses anywhere but the mouth
i am irritable going insane
wracking my brain
car crashes treat me like family
my family is worried for me
i've laughing a lot incidentally
the meaning of my world so to speak
if you wanna be a complex character
you can float inside a window pane
i don't like kisses anywhere but the mouth
i am irritable going insane
wracking my brain
karma isn't real
i lose every night
but you lose your whole life
time doesn't treat me too kindly
i am always fighting with her
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14. |
jan 14
01:12
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falling asleep in public places
is proof that i'm
so fucking tired
watching tv in a spaceship
feeling like it's fucking dire
waking up is the hardest part of everyday
tomorrow i'll wake up and it's just loose change
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15. |
jan 15
02:19
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my dad says i don't speak
but i make quiet noise
i worry it's bleak
so i use my inside voice
i'm losing my grip
i'm letting it wilt
a jewish girl with
catholic guilt
i'm losing my faith
I'm letting it go
feels so deranged
to stoop so low
my mom says i talk too much
but i call her bluff
i'm losing my grip
i'm letting it wilt
a jewish girl with
catholic guilt
i'm losing my faith
I'm letting it go
feels so deranged
to stoop so low
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16. |
jan 16
02:02
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send me dirty pictures of you
clean and so sincere
i swear that i stopped breathing
when i saw you in the mirror
caught me in the trenches now i know
you're golden
hate to see the blatancy
the ruthless disregard
the lack of all humanity
at the supermarket
nobody deserves that, no not you
you're golden
you know that i know too well the changing of the seasons
waiting till the summers hard until i have a reason
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17. |
jan 17
03:23
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pardon all the chaos
i avoid it all too well
turning my bedroom
into my private hell
i'm so lucky but i don't feel so lucky
pardon all the people
that made me act unkind
i'm probably an angel
but i think bad things sometimes
i'm so lucky but i don't feel so lucky
i don't know what i deserve
finding glass shards in the harm
and it's socially absurd
to show up with you on my arm
i don't think about it
but sometimes i still do
i will write about it
and silence a whole room
i'm so lucky but i don't feel so lucky
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18. |
jan 18
01:20
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they say i've got a moon face
moon eyes
for a moon embrace
when will the swelling slow
want to be chiseled like snow
they say i've got a moon face
moon lips
that i moon taste
it helps to have name for things
to fly away on my moon wings
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19. |
jan 19
00:41
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caught like a retroactive mouse
feeling my insides seep their way out
i think I’m only happy when I’m up there
a feeling that they won't understand
i know that love is real
because i feel it when i’m with my band
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20. |
jan 20
01:24
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i've become an expert
at putting myself back in my skin
have to brush the touch off
over and over again
i revert to a past self
i've forgotten for a while
is it too late to heal my inner child?
overstimulated
i'm scared that i'll lash out or rage quit
oh i really hate it
a grown woman throwing a fit
i refuse to embolden
sensations that make me feel small
if you could read my mind and make the call
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21. |
jan 21
03:10
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don't want to go to the doctor so
you can surely tell me i'm making it up
tell that to the bucket of blood
and there's nowhere to run
a copay away from dying
when it's all so clinical
i feel like i should keep on lying
i hate what i know about what's foggy
that patronizing tone, think i know my body
think my womb is a hole
that won't inhabit life
you will surely speak to my unborn child
instead of my soul it's so fucking wild
i hate what i know about what's foggy
that patronizing tone, think i know my body
i'm outside myself ‘cause your words are tired
your icing me out i'll set 1,000 fires
i don't wanna go
i hate what i know about what's foggy
that patronizing tone, think i know my body
think i know my body
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22. |
jan 22
02:16
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backhanded wounds
from high places seem to
heal so soon
in the morning the scab feels new
i’m not emaciated
i’m pretty sure you hate it now
wasted degrees
helping people makes you
power hungry
in the morning i’m so angry
steroids and tummy aches
i will accept my fate somehow
without fail you'll be higher
playing god like a liar
backhanded wounds
from high places seem to
heal so soon
in the morning i search for food
my stomach acid burns
that's none of your concern
without fail you'll be higher
playing god like a liar
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23. |
jan 23
04:27
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what if i finally submit to the villain i think that i am?
what if i lose all my wits?
and start again
i've got headaches
stuck in first grade
filling my cup
never enough
not saying what i wanna say
i'm feeling my fault in the wake
what if im all that you are?
i think thats by far the worst part
maybe i'm the villain you know
soon to be the stranger you don't
avoiding the mess that i made
hurting the ones that feel safe
what if i grieve till im dead?
what if I'm just using you?
breaking the fall with your flesh
to start anew
i've got house plants
they die, i am
tug on that string
always yearning
not saying what i wanna say
i'm feeling my fault in the wake
what if im all that you are?
i think thats by far the worst part
what if i'm the villain you know?
soon to be the stranger you don't
avoiding the mess that i made
hurting the ones that feel safe
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24. |
jan 24
00:49
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fuck you
my body hates me and i want to die
i cannot write a song to save my life so fuck you fuck you
so long and goodnight
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25. |
jan 25
02:38
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i'll be the pillow princess of your dreams
and you're hottest thing i've ever seen
but i’m ready if you're ready
grab your hands ill pull you inside
in my legs you are safe to hide
match me, helpless in good fun
think of me the next time you come
come over here and pull me in
leave a mark just like we're 15 again
carefully choosing all the places
feels so good that i forgot to fake it
grab your hands ill pull you inside
in my legs you are safe to hide
match me, helpless in good fun
think of me the next time you
come to me in the morning
daylights here without warning
keep it casual in good fun
think of me the next time you come
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26. |
jan 26
02:50
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i don't have a clue
these warmer days elevate my mood
duality of word
an anagram of the absurd
i don't feel so brave anymore
the kids are alright, of that i'm
sure
the kids are walking out of school
they don't mean to be so cool
i can look away
but i need to feel the weight
where is the fine line
between what feels good and what is right?
i don't feel so brave anymore
the kids are alright, of that i'm
sure
the kids are walking out of school
they don't mean to be so cool
getting neoliberal advice
money talks but it talks so nice
i don't feel so brave anymore
the kids are alright, of that i'm
sure
the kids are walking out of school
they don't mean to be so cool
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27. |
jan 27
01:35
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i don't wanna talk right now
my feet are on unsteady ground
anxious so i'm freaking out
avoidant so I’m skipping town
i'm looking down
I’m headed south
you took the easy way out
i'm running late
I’m saving face
you're leading on a new date
parallel but we don't know
just how low our morals go
maybe i'm a lot like you
but i will never put them through
what you put me through
i'm looking down
I’m headed south
you took the easy way out
i'm running late
I’m saving face
you're leading on a new date
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28. |
jan 28
01:16
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i ran out of gas
two minutes from where i was headed
a not so subtle metaphor
i'm doing too much
i gotta get away from here in the colder months
i thought things were getting bad turns out i just needed sun
and sleep
i think i'll take that for me
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29. |
jan 29
02:45
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i could scream for days about it but i bite
my tongue i get resentful when i lie
afraid i'm dead from all the buried things left unsaid
i’m missing my exit
not responsible for my messes
my time is elusive
i've eroded all my excuses
you open my mail i let it go and i
just sit and stall for hours at a time
the vacant lot is getting pretty full
these factors are so out of my control
my body it crumbles
like a cigarette and it trembles
my time is elusive
i've eroded all my excuses
i could scream for days about it but i don't
"i've burned all your letters
my memory suits me better"
my time is elusive
i've eroded all my delusions
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30. |
jan 30
01:31
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staring out into the crowd
a sea of anonymity
i am failing so loud
i fuck it up effortlessly
it's so goddamn embarrassing
to be heard when you're drowning
to be losing with all eyes
glued to my shoes
pretty girl wrote me a song
a surge of electricity
i make the moment wrong
i fuck it up effortlessly
it's so goddamn embarrassing
to be heard when you're drowning
to be losing with all eyes
glued to my shoes
i guess tonight will be over soon
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31. |
jan 31
02:23
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it hurts so bad to think
i can't take out the trash
restless in my filth
glass shards in my back
my body
my body
nausea takes my free will
and i'm catching a chill
in my body
my body
i try i try to clean the house
but my muscles are on fire
what my body lets me do
contrasts with my desire
stomach eats at itself
is it not clear i'm unwell?
in my body
my body
my body
i try i try to like myself
but my muscles are on fire
what my body lets me do
contrasts with my desire
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Rachel Kline Baltimore, Maryland
hi i'm rachel and this is my bandcamp
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